I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
