It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
