I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
