That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i now understand why vodka
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
