You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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