He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
