There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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