And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
