there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
