I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
