yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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