Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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