I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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