She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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