I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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