he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
