Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Vodka?
Forever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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