How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
