I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
