I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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