and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
