your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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