I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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