shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
