Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
