Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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