hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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