It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
