I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
