i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize