Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
