at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
