I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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