Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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