dude i'm inner monologue high
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
