The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
