My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
