There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
