i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
