my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
