we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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