Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
