I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
