ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
