Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
