Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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