wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
