she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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