I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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