whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
