Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
