I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
