If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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