Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
