so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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