This is not my ceiling
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
