No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
