dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
