ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
