Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
