I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
