I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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