Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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