yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
