I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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