Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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