You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
