The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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