Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
